Letters to a daughter from her parents, starting from before she was born

Sunday, December 29, 2013

36 week journal

Hey babe...
That time that you shall arrive is drawing closer every day, and you're getting BIG.  I have this lovely rounded belly on top because your rump (and feet tucked behind it) are resting there.

I've been testing my blood now for over a week, and while I can never get my fasting levels below 95, they are consistently below 100, and I don't have a problem with any other number. I actually am eating less carbs than they 'suggested' and my numbers have been lower as a result. I think that they were telling me to eat too many (65 for lunch and dinner with two 35 carb snacks) and as a result I was eating things I didn't want to eat to just get enough carbohydrates. Also, since I have to couple the carbs/protein together...it was just too much food.

We are so ready for you to arrive.  The nursery is done. I have been awful at studying my meditations and such, but your bag is sort of packed. Actually...I bought you this adorable newborn outfit, so could you please fit into newborn clothing for at least one day of your life?  Thanks!!

How far along: 36 weeks

Size of baby: A honeydew...although who knows how big you really are

Gender: girl

Movement: Yep...still moving lots. We had lots of fun last night poking you and then watching you move in annoyance.  It's fun to annoy you!

How I'm Changing: This belly...it's freaking ridiculous.  If I said I felt pregnant and waddly before, I LIED.  I have noticed that less sugar means my feet hurt soooo muchhh less!!

Maternity Clothes: Ha...I tried to wear a non-maternity t-shirt yesterday (I really should have just grabbed one of dad's) and it was ridiculous.  I had to wear the bella band (I hate) with it just so it wasn't indecent.

How I'm Feeling: I go through days where I'm utterly exhausted and then some where I have some energy. Today I was tired but went to the mall with my friend and walked quite a bit.  I am finding that I need more naps in the afternoon and tend to feel better afterwards.

Sleep: So, the earplugs lasted maybe 5 days. I just kicked him to the guest room. I miss sleeping with him, but I was getting up every 2 hours and wasn't able to fall back asleep. I think I've felt better the last few days because I can fall back asleep so much faster if I sleep alone.

What I miss: I'd say sugar and not counting carbs, but I'm enjoying learning new things about food.  Perhaps I miss not walking into things with my belly.  It happens all...the...damn...time.

What I'm Eating: a lot of protein.  I start my day with a peice of toast with pb, and finish my day with a 50g protein shake.  Lots of protein.

Cravings: I have to say...I would love a cupcake, but the overwhelming need for sugar, and my permissiveness in allowing myself to have it is gone.

Best Moment this week: This week has been full of fun! On Monday my grandmother came to visit with her sister in law and brought you beautiful blankets (one is from Aunt Ricki, and another grandma made).  We had a lovely time.  Then we had a nice laid back Christmas, followed by having friends over all weekend.  I'm sorta tired...but it was lovely to see people!

Love you babe...so many people can't wait to meet you!!!


baby belly with a kitty. It's not the picture, my belly is pretty
permanently to the right thanks to your placement. 

Three generations! 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

35 week journal/update

My love,

I was really good about keeping this up without missing a week, but last week and this week were both hectic, and at times discouraging.  The general gist of it was that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes after (barely) failing 2/4 of the blood tests in the 3 hour panel.  I now get the honor of weekly sonograms (which are REALLY boring this far along as all you see are ribs), a strict diet, checking my blood sugar 4 times a day, and potentially having to battle with the birthing center for the privilage of being able to birth there instead of being sent to the hospital. And to top it off, this diet isn't helping me lose weight...I'm still gaining faster than they are going to like. To put it mildly, my happy pregnant glowy bubble was a bit burst.  I was already sick of people harassing me constantly and my reward for that was to suddenly have ten times more attention than I ever wanted.

  Yes, I know this isn't some death sentence. Yes I know that I'd do just about anything for a healthy kid.  Yes, I know that gestational diabetes isn't a rarity, and in fact that dietitian told me how surprised she was that I hadn't developed it before now because of my history of PCOS.  Yes, I'm aware that most of this could be seen as straight up whiny. I do however think that I've reached the 'stabby' stage of pregnancy and if I want to complain I can.

Alright kiddo...and world. That's my update for now. It's Christmas next week but I have appointments most days. I'm super excited to see my grandmother on Monday though!!  It will be your first time meeting her!

How far along: 35 weeks

Size of baby: A coconut! Although our sonogram showed that she's around 6'9 already.  Who really knows how accurate they are though.

Gender: girl

Movement: Oh yes...you move. Anddd it's starting to get a lot less pleasant as you run out of room. You're still a roller and stretcher, not a kicker.  

How I'm Changing: I had some seriously emotional crying days.  Especially Monday...I basically spent all day Monday crying...and then felt awesome on Tuesday.  It was odd.

Maternity Clothes: Yeah...my belly is a bit ridiculous.

How I'm Feeling: I was feeling fine for the most part, but I've been getting sinus headaches because the weather goes from 30-70 degrees in 24 hours.  It's a bit hard on my sinuses.  

Sleep: I started sleeping with earplugs to block out dad's snores and magically started sleeping in 4 hour blocks. It's MAGIC.

What I miss: Hm...being left the heck alone?  My ribs not feeling like they've been kicked?

What I'm Eating: exactly what I'm told to eat when I am told to eat!  Actually I'm enjoying pulling dad into this diet and trying to get him to eat more regularly.

Cravings: Meh...I could always use a spoon and apple pie, but that's not happening for a long time.

Best Moment this week: My little frog wrap arrived, and I've been working on breaking it in most of the evening. I also got to go out on a date with my best friend's little sister. Having a teen around is so much fun.



The belly is getting ridiculous.  I know she's head down and her rump is the big bump. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

33 week journal

I'm late, as usual, and don't have a picture this week. See, that would require actually getting dressed and I'm not feeling it today.

How far along: 33 weeks

Size of baby:  One website is saying pineapple (which was last week) and the one I usually use is saying durian fruit.  Um...really people? Do I want to compare my child to a fruit that's outlaws on subways because it smells so foul? sigh.

Gender: girl

Movement: I can sometimes make you move under my hand, if your facing the right direction. It's so cool to feel your arms or legs under my hand.  You *were* head down, but I'm not sure what position you're in now.  You've been moving in ways that cause more pain (perhaps contractions?) lately, especially if I lean forward.  You also apparently like to get nice and active while I'm driving.
Also...you get the hiccups like 3 times a day, which is pretty hilarious.

How I'm Changing: I'm trying to nest, or at least get the nursery and your clothing prepared.  Notice the use of the word 'trying' because it's not really happening.

Maternity Clothes: When I actually leave the house, I'm a fan.  I may be over the leaving the house thing though...

How I'm Feeling: I'm napping more, and occasionally just lose it and need to cry on Aaron's shoulder when the anxiety gets too much.  It's not like I can turn it off, or that it's there constantly, but some days are much worse than others.

Sleep: Sorry dad, I hope you like the guest bed, because your snoring is interrupting my already fractured sleep schedule.

What I miss: Probably the luxury of time.

What I'm Eating: After my baby shower on Sunday, lots of cake...

Cravings:  I'm not sure I'm really craving anything.

Best Moment this week: Sunday was my baby shower. It was almost stormed out with snow and sleet but some brave souls managed to make it, and we colored onsies, opened gifts, ate lots of cake and had fun.  I'm hoping to get some pictures of the onsies up soon.  It turns out that my friends are really creative and came up with some wonderful, and adorable ideas.

Love you Ada, and we can't wait to meet you. I'd just kindly ask that you don't make your appearance until after the holidays. Believe me, you'll thank me for this one.



<where picture would be if I'd taken one this week>

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The best gift, the gift of literacy

Growing up, some of my fondest memories were of my dad reading to me.  I was too young to understand them, but he still read (and answered my questions) about books like Watership Down, Gulliver's Travels, and anything by Roald Dahl. When I got old enough, I'd read to him when he worked on his car. I still remember sitting by a tree one summer reading him Journey to the Center of the Earth while he changed his brake pads. This is a vast change from a kid that had to go through an extra year of school between kindergarten and first grade because she couldn't read (in my defense, I should not have started school at age 4).  

Now, I love books, as does Aaron.  The fact that we turned our front living room into a library should give you some semblance of that.  Some people are really hardcore about making sure that their growing fetus listens to music every day. Well, I prefer listening to audiobooks, so this child is going to be born with an appreciation for audiobooks already ingrained in her.

This made it all the much sweeter and more wonderful when, a couple of months a package showed up.  It was from my college freshman year roommate, Margaret, who recently moved to Georgia, and inside was a beautiful book (The Legend of Blue Bonnet which I hadn't read before, but loved).  A few days later, another package with another book (Guess How Much I Love You) showed up! Apparently the first two books were supposed to arrive on the same day, but our postal service it seriously sketchy (it once took a MONTH for a postcard to arrive from Oregon). Since then, almost every week a new book has arrived. When I was having a bad week, she sent You be You, and it cheered me immensely.

The collection below are almost all of the books from Margaret, plus a couple of Sandra Boynton (a personal favorite author I discovered while a nanny) books that my mom gave me, plus a few from other friends.  So far Ada is off to a great start.  I'd like to also point out that none of these books are terribly obnoxious to read many times over. I actually already have half of them memorized from when I was a nanny.

Margaret, I can't thank you enough for the thoughtful, and thought provoking gifts.  I love that I already have a collection of books for Ada that should last her through the chewing on books stage into an actual appreciation for literature.  Like both of us, I hope she can look back fondly upon some of these titles and remember them being read to her over...and over...and over (ad nauseam) as a small child.

Why yes, I did take this picture on a bed, and that *is* my knee.  Thanks for asking.  
What were your favorite books as a kid? What should we add to our collection?

32 week journal

Sorry I'm late!  As usual, I have loads of ideas of what I want to write, but then forget to actually sit down and write them.  We've had a busy week.  We started out last weekend by going to IKEA and buying a kitchen table, some chairs and all of the things we need to put up your curtains. We've (okay...mostly dad) continued to put together your nursery.  Love your dresser, child. Love it, because we both HATE it.  It's taken hours to put together because there are hundreds of pieces to a dresser that just isn't that big.  Then after our IKEA trip, we hosted a fakesgiving for our friends, where we made turkey and all the fixings, but on Sunday instead of Thursday.  For Thanksgiving we were invited to a friend's house, where we had a wonderful time. The same people invited us over for their annual latkes party that Saturday...so we were busy!
How far along: 32 weeks aka 8 months

Size of baby:  Squash
Average size: 15.2- 16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. By squash they must mean that squished feeling I now feel in my lungs.

Gender: girl

Weight gain: Uh...I need to get back to counting calories because Thanksgiving and an abundance of pie did a number on the scale...and my butt.

Movement: You're in there...moving, stretching and occasionally learning how to run using my right hip to practice on.  We did physical therapy and BOOM! someone turned around, immediately. *yey* for being in the right position!!

How I'm Changing: My belly is getting bigger/rounder. My ribs are spreading.  While I'm happy it took 30 weeks for this to happen, it may be my least favorite part of this entire process. Well that and the can't take deep breaths part.

Maternity Clothes: Um...yes!  My non maternity shirts are just too short, and look somewhat ridiculous with tanks under them at this point.  I'm loving my sweats when I'm home but I change into maternity jeans when I go out so I look somewhat respectable.

How I'm Feeling: I can't sleep particularly deeply anymore and am up at least 4 times per night, but I could sleep till noon. I'm becoming a night owl, even more than before it seems but I'm a bit of a lump before noon.  I'm starting to feel the physical restrictions of being 8 months pregnant, like the breathing, I realized I can't cross my legs anymore, my knees ache a bit, yoga is hard etc.  Luckily my lower back generally has held out surprisingly well.

Sleep: I get up 2 times to pee. Sometimes I don't need to actually pee, but when I'm laying down I can't tell, so I have to stand up to find out and at that point, what the heck.  This different feeling bladder has thrown me for a loop. I feel like I go to the bathroom out of boredom.

What I miss: Being 50 lbs lighter and much more active. Putting on a bra shouldn't count as aerobic activity.

What I'm Eating: Food...

Cravings: I wanted brie cheese, but I don't know if that was a craving so much as a 'hmmm that sounds delightful!'

Best Moment this week:I wrote about all of the awesome stuff this week up top. I think however that reading to your dad while he puts together your nursery is pretty awesome.  I'm looking forward to your shower next weekend, and lots of friends.  Also.... I FINISHED YOUR BLANKET....but your dad thinks I should make it bigger. I think he should shaddup and learn to crochet himself if he wants it bigger because as simple as this pattern looks, it is ridiculously time consuming.  Sorry kid...you're going to be stuck with a small blanket (not like you don't have another 20 of them).

Oh I'm getting so impatient to meet you!!

Seriously dad...you cut off half of the blanket in this picture...

If you haven't noticed, I love this shirt. It was like
$5 from Old Navy and is so warm and comfy.

Monday, November 25, 2013

31 week journal

We're going to meet you soon and can't wait.  Hopefully over Thanksgiving we'll get your room set up, and get ready for your baby shower! December is going to be a month of childbirth classes, it seems.  I feel like I'm running out of time, but really...I've got time. I don't need to have *everything* done before you get here although my crazy neurotic side wants it all done....yesterday.

How far along: 31 weeks

Size of baby:  
Average size: 15.2-16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb.

Gender: girl

Weight gain: I'm doing better at gaining more slowly.  I think the vitamin D is keeping me awake so I can move more, and I'm having less cravings.

Movement: You move a lot.  You're not kicking so much anymore as much as flipping around. It feels pretty awesome, but sometimes...sorta painful.  You had some fun hiccups yesterday though.

How I'm Changing: I'm looking more and more pregnant.  I'm getting settled into the idea of being mom.  I can't wait to meet you.

Maternity Clothes: I'm loving my maternity shirts. They're awesome and long.  I pretty much layer everything. I like the tummy support in maternity pants, but they aren't really comfortable for long periods of time, so I generally wear them out and immediately change back into jeans when I get home.

How I'm Feeling: Pretty good. I have ups and downs. I had a really good day on Saturday when we went to IKEA.

Sleep: I'm getting up more at night, but I'm dealing with shorter bouts of sleep better, as long as dad doesn't snore the entire night, and keep me awake.

What I miss: umm...flexibility?  I'm noticing that I can't do things like cross my legs anymore (that that I was doing it much before).

What I'm Eating: Turkey!!  We had a fakesgiving with our friends last night. Lots of turkey was involved.

Cravings: I love cheese on water crackers with cran-apple butter.  It's not a craving...it just makes me happy.  I have none of those weird cravings for fried food that I was having earlier.

Best Moment this week: Yesterday's Fakesgiving was fun. With you though...the other night, dad really felt you roll around and kick.  I love it every single time this happens.
We also had a most excellent visit to IKEA, and although the purpose of the visit wasn't to buy things for you...I might have picked some things up for you, and taking pictures of dad doing silly things.


Why Hello Belly!
Here's my obligatory selfie, since seeing my belly grow is the real reason you're here.  I feel like it's getting bigger daily, and my ribs are totally spreading.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

30 week journal

How far along: 30 weeks

Size of baby: I have never met a 3lb cucumber, but this week the website says that you're the size of an English cucumber this week, "Average size: 15.2 -16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. Baby’s strong enough to grasp a finger now." Really? 3lb cucumber?  Let's stick with the squash comparisons, but knowing that you could hold my finger is incredible.

Gender: girl

Weight gain: Too much! I started tracking food/weight more, although I'm noticing if I get dehydrated my hands/feet swell and retain a ton of water. One day I lost 2 lbs in water weight.  Ouch.

Movement: You're pretty chill today (and you kicked as soon as I wrote that), but yesterday you were sloshing around and moving a lot. You weren't kicking, just moving, which is still a really odd feeling.  I think you may have turned the right direction, since I'm feeling up and down kicks vs. side to side ones.

How I'm Changing: Thirty weeks hit, and my feet hurt and my hands are swelling. I'm waddling more, my belly is getting more pronounced.

Maternity Clothes: I've got one pair of really comfortable (to sit in) maternity jeans. The others get too tight when I sit.  I just wear sweats at home, and if I go out I change into the nicer pants.

How I'm Feeling: Not too bad, although I'm libel to not be quite as polite as perhaps I should be. My having my hands/feet swell is pretty difficult though.

Sleep: I'm adjusting much better to getting up at night to use the bathroom.  I am also getting better at napping, with it not leaving me feeling worse afterwards.

What I miss: I miss...not feeling like there is this HUGE life changing deadline over my head.

What I'm Eating: This week...too many cupcakes.  My birthday party and college baby shower both had cupcakes...

Cravings: Earlier this week I really wanted pomegranate. I think part of that had to do with my desire to see Dad wack a pomegranate with a spoon though.

Best Moment this week: I had a fabulous dinner party for my birthday with a few close friends, followed two days later by a wonderful college friend baby shower.  It is always wonderful to get together with my college friends and we all had a wonderful time.  I needed a serious nap this morning though.

Obligatory belly rubbing (Thanks Janie for the pictures)
Oh my love...I can't wait to see you.  I still can't believe that there is a life inside of me, but all of your stuff has been taking over our house, so that's making it seem a bit more 'real.'  You continue to amaze me when you react to your dad's voice.  It's so sweet (and hilarious) when you kick him in the head.  I think you'll probably continue this habit even after you're born.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

29 week journal

How far along: 29 weeks

Size of baby: This week you've achieved acorn squash sized status.  You're between 2.5-3.8lbs and I'm pretty sure I can feel all those ounces on my bladder at times.

Gender: girl

Movement: Kid...you keep moving, and not necessarily in the way we want you to. For a baby who isn't terribly active, you certainly love to flip flop. Right before the wedding yesterday, I'm pretty sure you turned to lay on my left (very sore) hip verses my right and now I think you're back to my right hip.

How I'm Changing: The third trimester hit me pretty immediately, with soreness and difficulty sleeping.  I'm enjoying naps more.

Maternity Clothes: I'm loving sweats and long shirts.

How I'm Feeling: moody...oh so moody. I feel like I spend a good amount of time apologizing to dad for being so moody.  I'm achy, but still trying to move.

Sleep: Getting up more to use the bathroom, even if I'm not sure that's why I'm awake...it's like meh I'm awake, I might as well try to pee! Naps are also lovely.

What I miss: I miss a lot...but I'm looking forward to the future.

What I'm Eating: I haven't had heartburn in a couple of weeks *yey!*  I am trying to stay away from tomatoes though.  I started tracking my food/calories because the midwife was concerned that I'm gaining too much weight.  I think my issue is more a lack of exercise than consistently overeating.

Cravings: Coke...wow I crave coke.  I also crave baked goods, but I've been trying to cut them out.

Best Moment this week: Seeing my best friend get married and having you kick all through Ave Maria. It was amazing.

Eeek...my birthday is in 4 days, and hopefully we'll have the nursery set up before then!!  We're getting excited to meet you. I feel more of you now than before. Whenever I try to get you on film you stop moving though. I'm starting to wonder if anyone will get to feel you move, since you seem to stop as soon as anyone else touches me.

I came home between the wedding and the reception so I could put my feet up, and asked if dad would take a picture of me in the wedding dress.  My hair was back and super curly, but you can't really see that. I do look verrry pregnant in this dress though.

Love ya,


Sunday, November 3, 2013

28 week journal

Baby...you're getting big, and it's already getting uncomfortable.  Fun times ahead....

How far along: 28 weeks

Size of baby: This week you resemble an eggplant in size, 13.6 -14.8 inches, 1.5-2.2 lb.

Gender: girl

Movement: I'm pretty sure last week you went from being happily transverse to a more amenable (to the doctors) position of head down. Your constant movement slowed down/stopped, and I'm having constant lower backaches.

How I'm Changing: I waddle. Mostly if I'm full of food or need to use the bathroom, but there is a pregnant lady walk happening.  My belly feels bigger, daily. I'm more uncomfortable walking since my feet and back ache more (read: pretty much all the time).  I'm tired after doing such taxing activities as folding laundry, and I'm starting to think that after the wedding I'm in next weekend, I want to hibernate in my house and not drive for awhile.

Maternity Clothes: I bought some from Old Navy, and they arrived this week. I have two really long comfy soft tanks, a long ribbed flannel, and a nice cotton shirt. I also discovered maternity yoga pants. I may be in love.  Obviously, I am quite satisfied with all of my purchases and to make the deal sweeter, they were all insanely cheap. I had them on clearance with 40% off on top of it!  I also bought a nice outfit, on sale, from Motherhood Maternity that should fit for the rest of this pregnancy. It's still in the bag, since I'm obviously really big on going on right now.

How I'm Feeling: Still freaked about how I'm going to make it through this wedding and reception and not crash.  Maybe I will, but, but I can't do much about it ahead of time.  I'm moody, and unpredictably cry...about things like cream cheese.  My blood sugar gets really low in the mornings before breakfast, and I'm noticing that I feel awful until I'm able to eat.  Dad has been wonderful at making me breakfast when he has time.

Sleep: *yey* your dad stopped snoring, mostly because he got over his cold.  I'm sleeping better, but there seem to be more naps in my day.  I'm also getting tired more easily.

What I miss: My feet and lower back not aching all the time.

What I'm Eating: Still eating food, magically enough.  I'm trying to stay away from really acidic things like tomatoes, because they tend to set off the heartburn. I'm enjoying soy yogurt with some granola mixed in for a quick protein hit, along with string cheese.  I'm eating out too much and really need more veggies in my life.

Cravings: Remember that pie craving last week? I ended up making 2, one for us and one for Dad's work...and then I proceeded to eat almost an entire one myself over 3 days.  I don't think I'll do that again. It really did give me a stomachache. I realize I don't really want the crust that much...I'd be happier with more yummy apples and less crust. I must investigate on crust pies.

Best Moment this week: All of your furniture arrived!  Dad has some quality time with you kicking him.  We had a lovely prenatal massage yesterday with my close friend and bride, and that was pretty awesome.  Also...you keep getting presents.

My birthday is in 11 days.  I'm pretty excited, although it will be low key. I think my 'present' is going to be a loveseat for our bedroom so we can set up a little sitting area in there where I can get away and nurse, watch TV or read.  Dad and I realized this past week that we want to change/rearrange every...single...room in the house (barring bathrooms) and it's a little overwhelming to think about.   Perhaps I should stop watching HGTV. It's giving me ideas.  

I was wearing my 'geek inside' shirt. Notice the super long tank top under the shirt, since
for a maternity shirt, it got short really really quickly.  

Monday, October 28, 2013

27 week journal

Baby girl,
I'm 28 weeks today, but my schedule is getting hectic, and I didn't get to write this last week.   I can't believe how quickly time is passing.  

How Far Along: 27 weeks

Size of baby: a size of a rutabaga, which I don't believe I've ever had before. They're odd looking.  

Gender: girl

Movement: You're much more active lately. For months you'd kick basically first thing in the morning, a little in the afternoon and before bed. Now it seems like you have a sort of constant low grade activity, depending on what I'm doing and how much sugar I've had.  You've also been doing these odd movements like lots of quick gentle pokes in succession that I can't figure out. Occasionally you'll play up in my ribs...that's a lovely feeling. 

How I'm Changing: The belly is getting bigger, and rounder.  Sleeping is getting a bit more difficult, and I'm having beached whale moments when I struggle to get up off of furniture.   I also think I waddle sometimes.  

Maternity Clothes: I've been wearing the jeans when I go out, but immediately changing back into PJ pants when I get home. I have a long tank top and a maternity tank that I wear under almost all my shirts because nothing I own is long enough otherwise.

How I'm Feeling: T
o put it gently...over emotional and moody.  I'm still having body issues, and putting on clothing in the morning makes me a little sad.  I'm pretty stressed over a wedding coming up really quickly that I'm in, and wondering how I'll be able to do things like run around and stand up all day.  I think I am just overwhelmed just thinking of everything, and I'm having trouble shaking it off.  

Sleep:I'm struggling here. I wake up to use the bathroom or roll over and I'm having a lot of issues going back to sleep. I find that if I take vitamin D before I go to sleep, I have trouble sleeping, but am awake the next day. If I don't take it, I sleep well but feel like crap most of the next day.  I'm not sure there is a happy medium here, and my moodiness is probably related to sleeping poorly at night. Also, Dad won't stop snoring, so he's been frequently kicked out to the guest room.  

What I miss: Fitting into my clothing, not aching, feeling energetic. Ohhh....making long term plans!

What I'm Eating: Food? Right now some soy yogurt and cheese stick. I need protein!  I also have to be careful because I had like 4 days of the worst heartburn of my life.

Cravings: meh...I would love some apple pie, but it's easy to combat a craving when you know YOU are the one that has to make said apple pie to be able to eat it.  

Best Moment this week: Your grandparents bought your nursery furniture! It should be here this week.  I'm so super excited to finally set up the nursery, and put things away. I think it would go a lot way towards helping me feel more settled in all this.  
I also go to take your dad to a pumpkin festival and he rode on his first hay ride.  Next year you can come and see if from the outside;).  

So...to all my friends. I apologize in advance for not being the nicest version of me possible, and also possibly bursting into tears if you point it out. I haven't had too many depression issues this pregnancy, but moderating my moods has been (and frankly always is to an extent) a persistent one.  

Ada....I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to see your face, and this week Dad even looked up the probability of your eye color.  Please get my eyes, and your father's red hair.  Thanks!! 

You wait a few extra days and you get a picture taken by someone other than me!
A picture of us on the hayride. Dad looks happy to be in the sun.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

26 week journal aka I'm getting huge

How Far Along: 26 weeks

Size of baby: a head of lettuce (
Average size: 13.6-14.8 inches, 1.5-2.2 lb.)

Gender: girl

Movement: Yeah...you've been more active and flippy lately.  You like to kick around bedtime and first thing in the morning, and then in the early evening. 

How I'm Changing: I'm feel humongous. My belly is getting rounder, and I'm feeling more full o baby daily.  

Maternity Clothes: I bought some maternity clothing off of a lady, and I'm glad to pick up some jeans and long sleeved shirts. $25 for a few hundred dollars in clothing. 

How I'm Feeling: I feel like things are coming together actually. Since I last wrote, we found a doula we really liked, and went to the midwife and picked up some schedules for classes they offer.  I think, despite having a really shaky time after my glucose test this morning, I had a really productive afternoon.  

Sleep: I feel like I'm awake every hour or two between having to use the bathroom and dad's snoring. It's annoying...and I think napping it a valid option.  

What I miss: Having energy, not gaining weight faster than I ever have before.

What I'm Eating: Food? Johanna has done an awesome job of making us do things like plan meals, so we have food to eat, and we aren't living off of cereal. Awesome.  

Cravings: crap...generally.

Best Moment this week: I got over my sick!  You're moving more, I got a great deal on some maternity clothing, and we picked out some awesome furniture for you.  

Let's take a moment to marvel at how HUGE my stomach is getting....I may feel waddly

Friday, October 11, 2013

The curse of the B belly

Baby girl,

This post isn't a letter to you per say...it's more of a personal gripe session.

I've been sick this week.  I had, what I thought was a cold, but has turned into something that has caused me to want to use a shopvac to suck out all the mucus in my sinuses and lungs.  That probably wouldn't end well though, so I'm just suffering.  I've been extremely fortunate to have a friend staying with us who is insanely neat (think my disorganized polar opposite), and she likes to do things to help other people. This meant that between her and my husband, I've tea, water, food and tissues on hand.  I'm still feeling whiny though, because I'm just generally sick of feeling crappy.

So I've been wanting to write this blog post for awhile.  I have a confession to make. I hate my pregnant belly, but not for the reasons you might think.  I don't hate it because it's huge, or because random strangers want to pet me. Quite the opposite.  I want the perfect round belly that resembles letter D. Instead, I've been cursed with this "B" belly. It means that I have a band of muscle running around where my belly button is. It allows me to be fat and not look pregnant (whereas some women look pregnant all the time and aren't), but it also means that I'm freaking six months pregnant and just look...fat.  It's FRUSTRATING.  I feel jipped out of having the sort of adorable and adored pregnancy that I wanted.  I have to explain to people that I'm pregnant, and I really do get looks from people that lead me to believe they think I'm lying.  I am 25 weeks pregnant....6 plus months, and instead of looking adorable like this lady:
stolen from a google image search, but she has a perfect round belly...
The top of my belly is what grew immediately. It's really all you see in pictures.  The thing is...that's not even where the baby is.  The baby generally likes to hang out and kick the crap out of my belly button region.  My belly button that will probably never pop, because until the veeeery end, my belly isn't going to pop.

Let's talk about the annoyance of maternity clothing when you have a "B" belly.  Most maternity clothing is meant to cling to your rounded belly. It's meant to accentuate your belly, not hide it.  This means that every piece of maternity clothing from stores like Target fits me like a second skin. It's AWFUL.  The only maternity shirts I own are the t-shirt I'm wearing in the picture below, two maternity shirts my husband bought from thinkgeek that almost immediately got too short (like seriously they shrunk UP six inches wtf?) and two loose tops from motherhood maternity.  The MM shorts are basically...muumuus that I can tie under my bust line so I look really pregnant. Unfortunately with all the weight I've put on in this pregnancy being in the belly to thigh area, they make my hips look ginormous, and not at all attractive.  I have one pair of maternity jeans that actually come over my belly anyways, and then pull up.

The only thing I like about this maternity t-shirt is that it's long enough.  
So...if you've looked at my pregnancy pictures, which I have really only put up for my mother in law who lives across the country, and wondered what's up with the weird belly....it's this. I've been cursed with a "B" belly, and I don't feel like wearing 4 different shirts and belly sleeves to round it out. Surprisingly, with baby heat and all, wearing a bunch of tight stuff around my core isn't comfortable AT ALL.

I feel that I should finish this post by mentioning that there are positives to my "B" belly.  Random people aren't constantly asking me questions, or petting me.  I can still wear my pre-pregnancy sweatpants and a pair of my yoga pants, where I'd normally wear them.   I can bend over and tie my shoes...if I would only wear shoes that required tying.  At this point my uterus, even though I'm carrying baby pretty low, is getting pretty big, so who knows what will happen with my belly in the next few months.  If you're interested though, just google pregnant B belly and see what comes up.

Now I am off to continue sniffling, coughing, sneezing and whining. And you Ada, are up to kicking my intestines and bladder.

Love ya kid,


p.s. Our first doula fell through, so we met with another one today. We both really liked her, so we're going to hire her, and hopefully you'll meet her!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

24 week journal

Baby Ada,

Hello lovely girl. Are you having fun in there? Right now it looks like I'm getting a chest cold. I thought I being all smart and sleeping constantly...yeah, turns out that I was sick and my body isn't letting me do much else. Right now your dad, and his friend are moving lots of furniture so that we can finally set up your nursery! I'm really excited to see how it turns out, but it might not actually be done until December, since it looks like that's when your baby shower will be.  

How Far Along: 24 weeks

Size of baby: A cantaloupe. I take issue with this because cantaloupes and honeydews are the same size in my world, and you won't be a honeydew for a long time (according to the website).  The other comparison is to an ear of corn.  I can't believe how both large and small you are!

Gender: Please still be a Girl!

Movement: You still like to kick when dad talks to you. It's pretty sweet.  You've also been hitting both sides of me at the same time.  I think you are still transverse, but that's okay b/c it's more annoying and painful when you stab my bladder.  I feel your body moving around more as well, not just kicks.

How I'm Changing: Tired, emotional, anti-social. I don't really want to leave the house, and I think I'm done travelling for the rest of this pregnancy.  Driving out to WV was pretty hard on my back, and despite a desire to do more before you arrive, I don't think I have it in me.

Maternity Clothes: I should buy more because what I have isn't doing it unless I never want to leave the house.

How I'm Feeling: I still have niggling anxiety, especially about things like hiring our doula (who has seemingly become uncommunicative lately, which is super stressful), but overall I seem to be okay.

Sleep: I am sleeping like 11-12 hrs a day, but I'm pretty sure that's because I'm sick.  

What I miss: Being able to plan ahead.

What I'm Eating: Today...a large quantity of doughnuts. I woke up at 6:30am, and needed to go buy them.  I'm still not entirely sure why.  When the first place I went to was closed, instead of going home or stopping at a cheap place, I looked up another bakery on my phone.  I'm going to claim it has something to do with the excellent show that was playing on NPR though.

Cravings: Panera chicken noodle soup.  I'm so going there for dinner.

Best Moment this week: Last weekend we went out to WV and seeing our friends was amazing.  They gifted me with a huge amount of baby supplies, and put my heart at ease.  My friend from college also came to stay with us, and has been a huge help.  I'm not sure how many loads of baby clothes laundry were done, but I give her all credit.  Now for organizing them all (yeah right).  

And without further ado....
This week I caught the husband on his way to work,
and asked him to take my picture.  I think you can see the need for long shirts.  

We are getting so excited to see you.  Every time I lay down in bed, I wish I was looking down on your sweet face.  Yes...life is going to be so much more difficult, and stressful when you're born...but I've never wanted anything so badly in my life.  

You are loved,


Friday, September 27, 2013

23 week journal

How Far Along: 23 weeks

Size of baby:  A grapefruit!  Which I actually had one of, so I took this picture:

Ada is the squirmiest grapefruit that ever existed!

Gender: Girl! 

Movement: You've been more nocturnal lately.  It's funny if I lay on my side because then you'll kick the bed. I'm feeling you kick above my belly button now, although not much.  You sometimes do this flutter thing where you kick on either side (which is odd feeling), and sometimes you stick to kicking by my belly button, which is easiest to feel.  

How I'm Changing:  More heartburn

Maternity Clothes: I've taken to wearing long tank tops under my old shirts so that they're long enough.   

How I'm Feeling: anxious sometimes, tired. I have had a stomachache the last two days, but I think it's on it's way out. I'm not sure, but it could be related to the ridiculous heartburn I've had. 

Sleep: I'm falling asleep easily, but when I wake up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I've had issues falling back asleep.  I also woke up this morning at 5:30 (and yesterday at 7) and was wide awake.  I'm not sure why... 

What I miss: . This week I miss being in control.  

What I'm Eating: Food!  

Cravings: Soup...always tastes incredible (chicken noodle).  I crave french fries and coke.   

Best Moment this week: When dad put his head on my belly and said "Hi Ada" and you kicked him really hard. Then he said it again, and you kicked him again! Actually 3 times!  My friend Stephanie felt you kick yesterday too!! Wonderful:)  

Yet another shot of my toilet...and me.  

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Reasons my mommy is crying...


Most people have seen the website Reasons My Son is Crying. It's hilarious, right?  Well, it got just a little less hilarious for me when I became pregnant, and apparently turned into a toddler.  I actually remember watching a commercial for a new medication that cured a disorder (perhaps the pseudobulbar affect) where you cry for no reason, and said out loud, (to an empty room) "OMG a commercial just gave me a disorder!"  Alas, I'm only pregnant and full of more hormones than should be legal, pretty much ever.

So I started to compile a list...of the random, and ridiculous crap that has made me cry.  A lunch with a friend yesterday reminded me of the list, and I decided to share it with you.  Feel free to laugh your butt off at my expense.

Here are some funny ones 
  • Cake Boss talking about Hurricane Sandy...
  • Thinking too hard about kittens (no, seriously, your father thought it was HILARIOUS to say cutsie crap in a baby voice and watch me tear up).  
  • An insurance commercial with a pregnant lady.  Oh yeah...that totally got me.
  • An argument we had over talking too much/long before we go to sleep
  • A story on NPR about a teen with arthritis
  • Let's be serious here, pretty much ANY human interest story
  • Last night...a Guinness commercial with a dude in a wheelchair. And because I'm a jerk and want all of you chumps to cry too, please watch it here
  • I've cried because I've laughed so hard at fart jokes (welcome to our family Ada!) 
  • I sang to you, my love, with tears running down my face.  
  • I cried last night when Dad leaned over and put his head on my belly and said "Good night Ada!" and you kicked him in the head.  And he said "Good night Ada" again, and you kicked him again!  And...I'm crying now thinking about it.  

Here are some more serious ones
  • Worried about my baby shower not getting planned (I have this serious 'nobody loves me complex' that I need to work on)
  • Being scared about having no idea what I'm doing (like anyone really does?)
  • Aaron getting home late from work (in my defense, it was like 1 am...)
  • Being tired and not able to do all of the things I want to do (this is a daily battle)
  • I've cried because I can't stop crying.
Every pregnant woman has stories of the random things this rush of cry hormones has done to her, but I've discovered, in a weird way, all of this crying to be cathartic. My entire life, I was told to hold the tears back, and that they showed some sort of weakness, but it isn't true.  While I don't want to cry those gut wrenching, you wish you were dead tears ever again, those tears rolling down my cheeks when you kicked your dad, those tears when I sing to you, the tears in my eyes now...those tears are welcome.  They bring a sense of calm and humility to me, because my body is making a freaking miracle, and I have almost no control over it.  It's pretty damn humbling.  

To all my friends: What made you cry when you were pregnant? 

Weepy mom

Monday, September 23, 2013

22 week journal

Ada babe,
Having fun in there? My bladder and intestines are wondering what the holy hell sorta party you're throwing, but it's fun to feel your kicks!

How Far Along: 22

Size of baby: We're in papaya land. Baby center says "At 11 inches and almost 1 pound (about the size of a spaghetti squash), your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment."

Gender: girl!

Movement: More and more every day! You were quite squiggly yesterday.

How I'm Changing: My belly is definitely getting bigger. I 'feel' more pregnant than I did before.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Like I'm going to post this?

Maternity Clothes: I have two pairs of sweats, and a pair of yoga pants I generally wear. I've got two or three nice maternity shirts and still only one pair of jeans. I have discovered that long tank tops are saving my butt with my rapidly shortening shirts.

How I'm Feeling: weepy...and fat.  Other than that, fantastical. I was feeling jipped out of looking pregnant, but I just looked at a picture I took this morning and I look pretty pregnant.

Sleep: meh, rolling over is really hard. I'm thinking we should probably get a new mattress that doesn't require an OMG thick mattress pad and memory foam to make it comfortable. Maybe then I could like...roll over and not feel like I've run a marathon? It's a thought. 

What I miss: Not feeling like there is an ominous clock going 'tick tock running outta baby free time!' going on constantly.

What I'm Eating: All the apple cider I can, and lots of pumpkin stuff. I love fall.

Cravings: French fries. I'm not sure why.

Best Moment this week: We had a lovely meeting with the midwife, and you booted your dad in the head. I call it a winning sorta week.

Okay...this was actually taken today, at day 1 of week 23, but whatever. 
Love ya kiddo!

Friday, September 13, 2013

21 week journal

Baby girl,
I'm getting more and more excited to meet you.  And wondering when we'll get even half of the things done that we're supposed to before you come.  Actually, I think you could show up today (full formed/gestated and healthy!!) and we'd be fine.  Our next midwife appointment is in a week. I'll probably do the update after that.

How Far Along: 21 weeks, 4 days (I took the picture today)

Size of baby:  One website claims you're the size of a carrot, another a pomegranate. I prefer the pomegranate. From head to toe, you're 10.5 inches long (HOLY CRAP REALLY?! It seems like yesterday they were measuring you in less than inches!), and 12.7oz.  Kid...you're getting sorta big.

Gender: Girl, girl, girl, girl...did I mention you're a baby GIRRLLLLL.  And if you come out and you're a boy, I'm still dressing you in a lot of pink/purple stuff because that's what people are giving me!

Movement:  You really like kicking to the right of my belly button, and sometimes my bladder.  Sometimes you do a one two punch, which is amusing and odd.  You REALLY kick hard when a kitty lays across my belly. I can't decide if you love or hate the eat.

How I'm Changing:  Belly is getting bigger, back/hips ache more, baby is moving more, I'm sick of hormones making me cry.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I find out when I go to the midwife next week   

Maternity Clothes: Some, but mostly yoga pants, and sweats.

How I'm Feeling: moody, needy, tired.

Sleep: my lower back is starting to be rather sore, and sometimes when I roll over on my side, it sorta feels like the baby wants to fall out, but once I'm asleep...I'm out.

What I miss: Energy, consistent exercise, losing weight, airplane seatbelts fitting comfortably.

What I'm Eating: Nothing special

Cravings: Not really.  I would love some cider right now, but our grocery store didn't have any.

Best Moment this week: Probably getting kicked by you! I'll enjoy it while it doesn't hurt, or make me have to pee.
Annnnd your obligatory bathroom picture.  Yep this is what I
am giving my daughter to remember this pregnancy by.  

Friday, September 6, 2013

Gender Reveal party decorations

I don't have too many pictures--since I was too busy eating, socializing and wrangling, but here are some pictures of the decorations at your party.


Near the front door!

Into the living room.  We also put up lots of lanterns and filled
up the chandelier with paper flowers.

It should have said, what will YOU be....but I was too
lazy to change it. I loved the He Man though:)

My he/she bars...I didn't get one :(

20 week journal

Sweet baby girl,
I love feeling your little kicks and punches inside of me. It's so sweet now...when it doesn't hurt or wake me up or break my ribs.  Weirdly, it took finding out your gender for me to become really excited...or for this to feel really 'real.'  It is real, and I can't wait to have you here, even if you ruin everything in the best way.  

How Far Along: 20.5 weeks. I should start doing these earlier in the week, probably.  

Size of baby:  A banana. Seriously? I'm starting to really hate these comparisons. Average fetus is 6.5in long and weighs 10.6oz

Gender: Girl girl girl girl girl girl girllll. Did you hear we're having a baby girl?  For the record, the first things that were said after she told us were (in this order). "Dammit, your dad was right?" Because we knew he's be smug about it (he was).  And "Thank GOD! We couldn't come up with a boy's name anyways!!"

Movement:  Yeppers. I can feel kicks now and then. Occasionally she flips around and it feels like snakes are loose my stomach, but not terribly often.  Oh look...she just kicked. 

How I'm Changing:  My belly is seriously growing DAILY now, after it didn't feel like it had yet.  

Total Weight Gain/Loss:   I haven't stepped on the scale since my last midwives appointment and don't plan on it until my next.  

Maternity Clothes:    my friend gave me some more, but most of it is nursing shirts. I really need to invest in some more pants. Even my sweats are going to start getting snug soon.  

How I'm Feeling: Exhausted. I need to start taking iron. I don't find it acceptable to be tired 90% of the time that I'm awake. I'm also really grouchy/hormonal/bitchy/crying.  Last night I had a bit of a meltdown and cried hysterically after Newton scratched me.  Yeah, I'm pregnant but the crying crap can stop already. 
I'm also suffering from just feeling utterly overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed about having a baby, and everything that needs to be done before she gets here, that I 

Sleep: I wake up around 3am to use the bathroom. I try laying on my side, but it feels like my stomach is going to fall off. It's just weird. I generally sleep on my left side or end up on my back, b/c it doesn't hurt then.  I'm not sleeping enough. Ideally, I'd sleep from 10-11pm-9am.  Lately, (last night) was more like 12am-7:30, and I was exhausted for it.  I can't take naps. I don't really get why 8 hours of sleep leaves me feeling like 4 hours of sleep did before I got pregnant.  

What I miss: Energy, not crying. 

What I'm Eating: Lately I've really wanted soup.  I made some beef stew the other night and that was lovely.  I also love apples.  

Cravings: not really. 

Best Moment this week: As utterly overwhelming as it was, I've been having fun working on your gift registry.  I'm so happy we know that you're a little girl, and that we have a name, and so many people around us supporting us.  

And because I know you wanted another bathroom shot:



Sunday, September 1, 2013

19 week journal (I heart hugs!)

Ohhhh baby, 
What a week we've had!  We found out your sex, then we had a party to share and celebrate the news with our friends.  I was convinced that you were a boy. Utterly convinced, since there are no girls in Dad's family. I was umm...very wrong.  You are a GIRL!  We were so thrilled to find out, and you decided you were happy too, and on the same day we found out that we were having a baby girl, I started to really feel your kicks.  You feel like a little snakes, or bouncy balls, or maybe a little worm. I certainly didn't feel any lady-like 'flutters.'  I ignored the movement for weeks because I just figured it was my intestines and I'd wait until I could feel it better.

The party was a wonderful success and I'll write more about it this week, and include some pictures.

How Far Along: 19 (actually I'll be 20 tomorrow, but I took my picture earlier in the week)

Size of baby: This week's fruit is a mango!  Average length of 6.0 inches, and 8.5oz!

Gender: You are a very bouncy baby girl!

Movement:  Yep! It started on Thursday, and has been getting stronger, or at least more frequently every day. I think it helped to see the ultrasound and realize that where I was feeling things was where your feet were.  I know you've flipped a few times though (b/c that feels like eels...and then I get kicked somewhere else)

How I'm Changing: My belly is definitely getting rounder and bigger. I'm getting heartburn much more easily.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm not looking at a scale.

Maternity Clothes: My one pair of jeans, and two nice shirts. I have a wonderful friend who actually gave me two bags full of clothing I need to go through.

How I'm Feeling: Exhausted.  It took me until noon to really 'wake up' today, and after yesterday's party, we've been lazying about watching TV and playing board games.

Sleep: I like sleep.  I don't have leg cramps or any issues like that.  I do tend to wake up on my back, then roll over and suddenly really really need to use the restroom.

What I miss: Energy.  I like that I set my sights a lot lower on how clean my house would be for this party, because it left me much less stressed, but I still need to eventually clean up after the party.

What I'm Eating: I've been trying to get enough protein, but not really doing a good job lately.

Cravings: My only regret about yesterday is that I didn't save any of the Hershey bars, and no one brought me brownies.  Chocolate has been a pretty encompassing pregnancy desire. Today I wanted garlic bread as well.  I have no desire for fruit snacks (they gave me horrible stomach aches) or goldfish (ugh on the heartburn)

Best Moment this week: We found out that we're having a girl!! We were also able to share this news with our friends and family, which was an amazing opportunity. I was also able to go do to DC to visit with two college friends and share an awesome afternoon with them.  It was so refreshing, and fun.
I just loved this picture.  It sums up Newton's favorite position when he's feeling lovey--it involves mooching off my baby heat.  He knows a good thing when he sees it.!

My friend Kate took this picture in H&M after I picked up the shirt, and without realizing, said loudly, "I heart hugs too!!"  I think my adorableness overwhelmed her.

Apologies for the bathroom shot (but it's sort of become my 'thing' at this point).  I'm not that much different than the week before, but the jeans sorta suck stuff in.  I'm not sure why I'm concentrating quite so hard though.  

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Great expectations

Dear Baby,

First of all, although I've been conspicuously absent from this blog so far, I promise I'll be very present in your life once you've been born. Just thinking of all the anxious, sleepless nights and diaper changes in store for us over the next couple of years is enough to make me cry (with...joy?).

You were a surprise, but one we had been fervently hoping for. So far, your arrival has mostly resulted in your mom and I staring at each other in excited disbelief asking "What do we do now?!", some extra visits to doctors and midwives, research and reading, some changes in your mom's moods and the food, medicines, and vitamins she can take, and apparently her body is rearranging itself to make room for you and prepare for your emergence into the world.

I know you're there, but for the most part, you're a concept for me at this point; an idea that is becoming a reality, one that will drastically change our lives in ways we cannot even imagine yet. Sometimes, I get glimpses of you; feeling the hard, round ball you're growing in beneath your mom's belly, or when we go to the midwife and get to hear your fast little heartbeat.

We've had two sonograms of you so far, and another one coming up soon. In the first one, you were almost imperceptible; a tiny grain of rice with a life of its own. In the second, you were amazingly human - arms and legs, jumping around in response to the poking of the technician, sucking your thumb and even waving at us from the womb. It was sobering, to see how real the idea of you was becoming.

We'll know soon if you're a boy or a girl. At least, we hope to know soon, since we've got  a party scheduled this weekend to tell all our friends. It'll be a little embarrassing if we have to admit we don't know, so please do us a favor and cooperate with the technician to show us your bits, ok?

You've been the subject of much thought and conversation already, and you're only halfway towards being born. What will the rest of your life consist of? How will you affect the lives of others? What legacy will you leave behind?

We hope to influence that, but only you can control it.

No pressure or anything.



Friday, August 23, 2013

18 week journal (and a non-selfie picture!)

Hey baby!
You're starting to get big in there!  I realized the other day that we're aaaalmost to the half way point.  Crazy how far we've come!  Next week is the big...reveal! What are you? A boy...a girl...or a puppy? Really, I think a puppy would be rad, but I'd rather a baby.  

This party should be awesome fun especially if we can get organized in time. Anyone want to come help move furniture?  

How Far Along: 18 weeks

Size of baby: Sweet potato Average size: 5.6 inches, 6.7 oz
Okay SWEET POTATO? Sweet potatoes can be HUGE.  This is a ridiculous comparison....the one in this picture looks anemic and shriveled though.  
I'd prefer a baby over a sweet potato...just sayin'.
picture courtesy of thebump.com 

Gender: 6 days until we find out!!

Movement:  Maybe little bubbles, but nothing really definitive

How I'm Changing: I'm getting fatter...does that count? The belly is definitely growing.   

Total Weight Gain/Loss: No idea, but I'm feeling rather tubby, so I think we're doing well.  

Maternity Clothes: Ugh I need more.  I have like one 'nice' outfit. 

How I'm Feeling: A little overwhelmed with feeling like my ENTIRE HOUSE needs to be moved around, but I'm not as cripplingly tired as I have been.  

Sleep: I actually slept for 6 hours straight last night...that was lovely. This isn't my sleep, but Newton has slept a lot of time on me lately. I wonder if he's just sad that Molly moved out and he can't rub on all her stuff.  He's obsessed with the afghan my aunt made me when I was little, and would spend all day on it, on me, curled up against my baby belly. I think I'm his portable heat pad. Poor kid only has 22 weeks of being king of the castle left, so he can sleep where ever the heck he wants! 

What I miss: My house being clean

What I'm Eating: umm..anything not nailed down.

Cravings: Meh...I generally just want what I see or think about, but nothing crazy unless you count my eating goldfish and gummies together.  I like sweet and sour together.  Yesterday I had banana chips and goldfish together. 

Best Moment this week: This is a hard one. I had lots of fun making a journal with my friend, and having her take my picture. I'm also really excited about our upcoming party, but got very overwhelmed yesterday with the idea of getting everything done in person.  

Monday, August 19, 2013

17 week journal and musings

Okay, I'm actually 18 weeks today, but I was a slacker and didn't post last week. Here's the catching up!


I have to admit, it's been a rough week.  I was supposed to babysit for a friend, and after having a week of utter exhaustion and recurrent nausea, coupled with kids with runny noses, we ended up cancelling.   I've been struggling with feeling 'down' lately, and trying really hard to not become antisocial, knowing that that will make any depression worse. I've been praying a lot lately, and certain phrases just keep going through my head, like this beautiful Hidden Word.
O SON OF JUSTICE! Whither can a lover go but to the land of his beloved? and what seeker findeth rest away from his heart’s desire? To the true lover reunion is life, and separation is death. His breast is void of patience and his heart hath no peace. A myriad lives he would forsake to hasten to the abode of his beloved.
I know it's all allegorical for a relationship with God, but I am constantly thinking of my relationship with your dad, and how fulfilling it is to both of us, and what I would do without him.  I'm so wholly blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life, and you're so lucky to have him as a father.

So without further ado, here is the journal, and a picture.

How Far Along: 17 weeks

Size of baby: an onion apparently.  I really think they want me to crave guacamole.

Gender: We don't know yet. We find out in 10 days though, and the party is in 12.

Movement:  Nope, but darn I keep hoping and waiting!

How I'm Changing: My belly is getting bigger/rounder/harder.  My hips and lower back are sore.  My breasts are massive.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I dare not step on a scale.

Maternity Clothes: Finally.  I'm living in my two pairs of sweats, and one pair of jeans.  I also dug up some really big leggings that look nice under a long shirt I bought. I really can't believe how short my t-shirts are getting.

How I'm Feeling: Truthfully, I'm exhausted and lately a bit depressed.  I feel alone a lot of the time, even when there is no reason to (like after spending a weekend with friends), and I feel like these hormones are playing tricks on me.  I'm still having a hard time finding good/healthy foods that I want to eat, and suffered from a stomach ache all of last week.

Sleep: Not too bad. I get up 1-2x/night. If I use the bathroom right before I fall asleep, I can usually make it 5-6 hrs.  I did find myself sitting on the toilet, saying out loud to myself, 'where does all the pee come from?!'

What I miss: feeling in control.  Control of my body, how I feel, the energy I have, etc.  I miss that exhilaration I felt when I lost weight and fit into smaller clothing.  I miss feeling productive.

What I'm Eating: Too much crap. This weekend was filled with brownies and steak, not healthy foods.

Cravings: umm..chocolate.

Best Moment this week: probably peach picking on a gloomy Sunday morning. We wanted around 20 peaches and came home with 20 POUNDS because they were so beautiful and juicy.  I'm also loving laying on my side and feeling how hard and round my belly is getting.  Also...I got to hold my friend's 5 week old. She's beautiful and adorable, and makes the most precious noises.

Please don't judge this awful picture.  I'm usually in big t-shirts and sweats when dad is home, so he never takes pictures of me.  This bathroom mirror obviously needs to be cleaned too :-/