Letters to a daughter from her parents, starting from before she was born

Friday, May 31, 2013

Pregnancy Journal Week 6

We actually thought we were 10 days farther along, but the ultrasound showed that you were still teeny, and put us back to 6 weeks.  I wanted to start a journal, and maybe I can get some pictures up soon, but I don't look pregnant yet.

How Far Along: 6.5 weeks

Size of baby: .25 inches the size of a sweet pea!  Your grandfather thinks that these comparisons to food are hysterical by the way.

Gender: You don't have arms or a gender yet!

Movement:  We got to see your heart move, but I won't feel you for a long time.

How I'm Changing: I'm having lots of symptoms, and food aversions.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I probably gained 5lbs in the first week, and have stayed there.

Maternity Clothes: No, but I only have one pair of jeans that isn't too tight on my lower stomach.

How I'm Feeling: Tired, worried about the nausea, but in a great mood otherwise

Sleep: What's this?  From the day I got pregnant I stopped being able to sleep past 7:30 in the morning. Since I've been up for an hour every night eating and just being awake, I've moved that to 8, but I'm not sleeping well at all lately.

What I miss: the energy to exercise and be active!

What I'm Eating: anything that doesn't make me gag? I'm eating a lot of carbs (crackers, granola bar, fruit, juice) but protein seems to kick up the nausea and heartburn, so I haven't eaten any red meat in awhile.

Cravings: not really any, just eating what sounds good.

Best Moment this week: Seeing your heartbeat...omg I can't describe how awesome that was.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Burn list

Dear baby,
Yeah, that beloved morning sickness is kicking in. It's more of an all day low grade nausea actually.  I woke up at 4am and was starving, so I came downstairs and ate some peanut butter crackers.  Seriously, my house is so full of snack food that I'd never have around before, but now is the staple of my diet in an attempt to eat lots of small snacks.  I have now what I refer to as a 'burn list' of foods that I ate, and the next day absolutely despise.

So far on this list I have
-steak (oh so sad)
-Persian food I ate that was awesome at the time...
-the chicken patty and salad I attempted to have for lunch
(and this list will keep growing!)

According to Wikipedia there are evolutionary reasons for nausea during pregnancy. The theory is that the first trimester is a time of the most development, and the body is trying to reject any foods that could hold potentially harmful substances to the fetus.  There have actually been studies that women who have less morning sickness are more prone to miscarriage, so I'm accepting this morning sickness as a sign of a healthy baby.

I've been overwhelmed with the love I'm getting from the people that know about you.  Your grandmother is already attempting to pick out what name you'll call her, and thinks you look like a shrimp in your sonogram.  My wonderful friends, knowing how long this journey was for us are overjoyed, and many have cried.  I'm tired, I'm worried, but I'm surrounded by love and kindness, and that makes everything okay.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I'm going to get fat:(

Dear baby,
You're going to make me fat(ter)!

My doctor told me to only gain 9-15lbs during my pregnancy, and I resisted laughing in her face.  I resisted the urge to ask her if she meant I should gain that each month! Since I had to stop taking my ADD medicine that actually helps me have something called metabolism, I'm rightfully worried about packing on the pounds.

I want to stay as healthy as possible for you, so keep the nausea to a minimum so I can eat normally, and stop having a 'burn' list of foods that I can no longer stand.  Also, while I'm liking that I'm drinking so much water, the peeing every 4oz I drink is getting sorta old already....



Dear baby,
You're only the size of a piece of rice, but you already have a heartbeat, and have turned our lives upside down.  On the way home from the OB office, I decided to start this blog as a place to write you letters, and share this journey of sore breasts, nausea, peeing constantly and the abject terror that filled me when I realized that we were really, finally getting the most amazing opportunity to be your parents.  

We found out we were expecting on Mother's Day, right after we returned from James and Julia's wedding.  I wasn't feeling well, took a test, and was absolutely shocked when, for the first time in my life, I got two lines instead of that one obnoxious teasing pink line that's like the test is sticking it's tongue out and mocking my infertility. I told your dad, and we both looked at each other in shock...and I started downing every liquid I could find so I could pee on my hand again (because really, it's impossible to NOT pee on your hand when you're aiming for a cup), and take two more tests.  Dad told me to take one in the morning, and then he'd be 100% convinced, so when I woke up at 5am having to pee, I woke his reluctant butt up too. 

So imagine this...it's 5am, we just got our 4th positive pregnancy test, and decide that the first people we're going to tell are the friends whose wedding we've just attended, who are both sick and have just flown back from VA to California to leave 24 hours later on their honeymoon. It's 2am, and I figure us finding out we're pregnant is the perfect excuse to call them.  First, they're awake.  Second, when they got engaged, our friend told dad first, so they would be our first.  

I want to say that I love you, but I have to admit that I'm still too worried that I'll lose you to allow myself to bond like that yet, but there was something incredible and magical to see your heartbeating on a screen today. It really looked like little legs kicking super hard...but you don't have legs yet.  I'm so so excited for this journey, but right now I need a nap.

Tired, peeing constantly, sore breasts, tired, nauseous and still tired.

Obligatory photo of my uterus!

Is it wrong that I think it looks like a UFO?
It was great seeing you today!


If you didn't already know...

I found out on Mother's day, through peeing on hands more times than I'd like to admit, that we're expecting!  We're excited, terrified, and...I want to write about it.  There have been a million thoughts going through my mind since we found out we were expecting, and since we haven't made it entirely public, I wanted a place where I could write...to my future baby.  

Getting pregnant didn't come easily to us. It's been a 3 and a half year journey, and we had both finally started seriously wondering if biological children weren't going to be a part of our history together.  Finding out I was pregnant...was a huge shock. I still wake up every morning, roll over and say 'omg we're having a baby!'.  As someone who has taken care of children for years, I know exactly what I'm getting into, so if you're wondering about the terror--that's where that comes in.  

I have to be open in admitting that I'm terrified that I'll lose this pregnancy.  I want this baby so much it hurts, but since 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, each day of a healthy pregnancy is a victory.  

Hopefully this can be a repository for all things baby related, and I'd just like to mention, I love my URL!