38 week journal aka "waaatt? no baby yet?!"

Dear Ada,

I was going to be a cynical disclaimer at this top of this post because it isn't all roses and sunshine like most of my posts are.  However, we really are super excited about your imminent arrival (imagine me saying that with a smile and gritted teeth) and I can't wait to squish your little pudgy cheeks! You are such a little butterball (because Dad said it wasn't nice to call you Fat Baby). Maybe I'll just call you baby Buddha and try to take pictures of you in the lotus position? Mwhahaha I'd do it too.  Dad claims if I call you butterball that he's going to put you in a roasting pan and take pictures. He did it with the cat, so it shouldn't be any problem right? Your grandfather mentioned drawing a goatee on you as well. Um...good luck coming into this family. I promise not to share all of the pictures.

So kid, it's sorta time to get this show on the road.  If you were a small baby...I might be okay waiting a few more weeks, because frankly you're pretty easy to take care of in there.  However the really painful ripping stretch marks I've started to get around my belly button, the bad abdominal pain I suffer every night and some days, and the thought of pushing out a big baby are making me a not nice person to be around. Just ask your father. I think I blamed him for everything including the polar ice caps melting earlier today to detract from the fact that I'm just really anxious about your upcoming arrival.  Also, as much as Newton actually enjoys your ring sling, it was purchased for you...not him.

Dad is trying to figure out his vacation time after you arrive. Even though he dutifully saved up all of his vacation so he could take a month off when you arrived, they decided to wait until the eleventh hour (you know that time after you worked through the holidays and didn't get to spend time with your extremely pregnant wife) to tell him he was only allowed (at most) 2 weeks. What kind of world do we live in that doesn't value the role of a father being able to take time off to bond with his child, and would go so far as to question why taking this time off was even important to him? What kind of society do we live in where fathers that are offered paternity leave (which your dad isn't) still won't take it because it makes them look 'bad' in the work place to take extended leaves of absence to spend time with their families? Where and what are our priorities? I am so truly blessed that I will be able to stay home with you, and our financial state isn't such that I'd have to return to work soon after giving birth, but I'm well aware that I'm the exception not the rule.  I'm angry about this, but currently also completely powerless.


How far along: 38 weeks (and I'm writing this 3 hours before 39 weeks and you're STILL IN THERE.

Size of baby: Too big to push out without drugs. No seriously, child...let's get this show on the road.  The ultrasound place said around 9lbs, but that a. you're long (long femur!), and b. that it's just an estimate. It can go like 10% either way so that would make you average size to omg huge.  They doubt you're that huge though because your fluid levels are good, and you move quite a bit.

You're really low, which translates to it frequently hurting to do things like...walk, and although I don't really have the sensation of having to urinate like I did before I got pregnant, I can just sorta guess that I always can. Actually...sometimes I might respond to an email while sitting on the toilet, knowing that I'll get a second pee out of it. Yeah, I'm classy like that. Know that if you send me an email, I'll probably be peeing while responding.  

Gender: girl, or a boy that will really have to embrace the color purple.

Movement: Less lately, or rather you move, but it's not as big of movements. Maybe your chubby self has finally run out of room? You've never been much of a kicker but more of a slosher. You're moving around (mostly mid morning, and if I lay on my side), and still getting the hiccups around once a day.  I can push on your rump and frequently annoy you into moving as well.  It was more fun before it started to be painful.

How I'm Changing: Since last week? Who knows. I am a generally impatient somewhat short tempered person, and the longer this uncertainty of delivery and baby are hanging over my head, the more anxious I'm becoming.  Oh...and I'm becoming increasingly intolerant to people's 'helpful' but really just patronizing attempts at advice.  Sooo...I'm anxious and bitchy. That sums it up pretty succinctly.

Maternity Clothes: Yes, please.  I came to the conclusion the other day (and why the heck did it take me this long??) that I can get away with wearing dad's sweats and t-shirts, and my belly is covered and I'm comfortable. I HATE maternity pants. They make my skin itch so much and I only have 1 pair of maternity jeans that even fit right now.  I'm loving that this 'b-belly' has more or less allowed me to wear my own clothing through most of this pregnancy...well any of my own clothing that accounted and allowed for the exponential growth of my butt.  I told Dad to pack some of his sweats/shorts and t-shirts for the birthing center because, "one of us will wear them!"

How I'm Feeling: I think we covered that in the anxious and bitchy section.  I've been pretty tired, and no matter what does or doesn't get done, still feeling overwhelmed.  I'm someone that likes to plan everything in advance and I'm well aware that doesn't work well with babies. I've been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions that come and go, and lower abdomenal pain that comes and goes. I'm not sure if the pain I've been having is related to my round ligament or actually getting this kid out.  I'm hoping it's the latter, because I'd hate to think that I'd experience that sort of gut wrenching pain for nothing. My right shoulder has been killing me. I'm not sure what's wrong, but at this point it's radiating pain down to my elbow. Fun times all around.

Sleep: So I went from 4 hrs in a row, to 2, and last night to 60-90 minutes. It's weird though. Dad will get out of bed and it never wakes me up. He gets up to use the bathroom and night and flushes, and I don't wake up. But if he walks into the room in the morning I *always* wake up, and I wake up without fail at intervals throughout the night. I'm not even sure half the time if I have to pee, so just make myself get up because God forbid I don't...the excruciating round ligament pain isn't worth the extra sleep.

What I miss:  Hrm...certainty in my life, physical activity, not having strangers judge and touch me constantly, sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar and umm..sugar? Oh yeah, and tying my own shoes.

What I'm Eating: Too much food that we aren't preparing at home? Not enough vegetables.  Probably too many carbs too. I was great for a couple of weeks, but then my blood sugar started to go low...so I started to eat more carbs.  My numbers have been higher than I'd like. One of the problems of the baby dropping is that I've started getting more hungry again.  I'm scared to step on a scale. I just want you born so I don't have to weigh myself anymore!!

Cravings:  I had a weird craving for cheese fries.  Also...sugar free jell-o, although I call it 'chewy air' is shockingly delicious.  I could also eat about a gallon of apple sauce a day. I'm not sure what my thing with apples is, but I could eat them all day long.

Best Moment This Week: Dad took Thursday off. We went and bought a ring sling for you (and got him to fall in love with the baby store), then went to lunch. Later in the evening went to the mall to walk around, and return some clothing. We also ended up having a delicious dinner which may have negated the health benefits of the mile plus walk we took. It was fun either way. We also went to the grocery store last night, mostly just to walk up and down the aisles. You took a nap. Thanks kid.  

So I was going to have dad take a nice picture of me, but why kill the selfie tradition?

Taken earlier in the week to prove to my mom that I own a different shirt than the red one

He loves it. I love the ring sling. The linen is going to be a biotch to break in though. 

Taken 38w 6 days (aka this afternoon)

37 week journal

Dear baby girl,
We're getting down to the wire here! You're officially full term, and we're so ready to meet you! That said, aside from the no sugar thing, having you happy bouncing around my uterus is much easier than having you outside. I bought the most adorabllllleeee outfit for you to wear home, so please don't be too big for it! I also packed some (sorry but not quite as adorable) outfits in case you're too chunky for the newborn outfit.  The wanting to dress you in cute clothing mania has apparently already started.

Yesterday I got lots of practice with my new little frog wrap....wrapping Newton.  I need to work on getting my rails tighter, but it was fun and he's shockingly cooperative. I feel like he's going to run away any time he seems a baby wrap now though.  Wait until we get a ring sling. He's going to love that thing...until you take it over.  I feel much more confident wrapping you now though.

How far along: 37 weeks aka...we can discuss your eviction notice at any point now.

Size of baby: Winter melon (no idea what this actually is, but basically I'm wondering how you fit in there)
Average size: 18.9-20.9 inches, 6.2-9.2 lb.
Baby’s inhaling, exhaling, sucking, gripping and blinking.
(I just noticed at the length and weight don't change for the duration of the pregnancy, although they just give you weirder and bigger fruit)

Gender: girl

Movement: Sometimes you move constantly--usually in the evening. Today you're being pretty chill. You're still getting the hiccups at least 1-2 times a day, which are pretty darn cute.

How I'm Changing: This belly...it's just ridiculous at this point.  I keep walking into things...and people with it.  Also, my ribs on the right (since you still won't get out of there) are sort of really stretched out. Sometimes when I lay down my belly is really crooked, especially when you start sticking your butt up.

Maternity Clothes: I have no choice. I can still wear yoga pants though!

How I'm Feeling: Tired and completely unmotivated. It takes me all day to empty the dishwasher, and I've started asking dad to run easy errands for me.  When I went to the mall this last weekend with my friend, I got a bit too dehydrated and had a ton of contractions for half of the trip, into the night. I had to reassure my friend that I wasn't going into labor (alas...).
My hands and feet are feeling swollen some days, but I actually think that cutting out refined sugar really cut down on the inflammation.  I hate that I couldn't resist eating a cookie on NYE and killed my glucose for the day, and my hands and feet started hurting again.

Sleep: I've been getting 2-3 hrs at a stretch, but I can go back to sleep pretty easily.

What I miss: energy to do things like clean my house!

What I'm Eating: Lots and lots of protein. I just wanted to eat soup and crackers the other day...and couldn't.

Cravings:  chocolate. Sugar free chocolate pudding seems to work.

Best Moment this week: 
This has been a really big couple of weeks! Last week we had Christmas, and this week we were blessed to welcome the New Year with our close friends.  Dad is having fun introducing people to my tummy (you).  It's a little embarrassing, but what the heck.

On Tuesday we actually had excellent appointments getting your sonogram taken, and then our midwives appointment.  This sonographer found out that we hadn't actually gotten to see your face or anything (just lots of ribs and heart), so she turned on the 4D picture and showed you to us and oh my god...you are SO cute/chunky and SQUISHED.  I <3 it.  I think I really needed to see your little face.  It just made my week.

After that appointment we went to the midwife and I got to ask all of the questions that had been bothering me all week, like can we deliver at the center?, and what their procedure for gestational diabetic women are, and what are the procedures at the hospital. Basically, my blood glucose levels are being controlled very well by diet, and there is no reason at this point for me to have to deliver by my due date (sometimes they freak with GD babies b/c they assume they're huge).  Everything is on as planned...you just need to decide that it's time to get out.


Love,

Mom

And to my readers, here is your reward.  A picture of my own personal chunk ball.

She was wedged between her arm, and something else. Dad thinks she looks like an angry Buddah.
I think you're adorable!!!! Such perfect fat cheeks and adorable lips.

That bump is all your butt, kid...just thought I'd put that out there. And, it's blurry because dad can't take pictures on the fly.   

36 week journal

Hey babe...
That time that you shall arrive is drawing closer every day, and you're getting BIG.  I have this lovely rounded belly on top because your rump (and feet tucked behind it) are resting there.

I've been testing my blood now for over a week, and while I can never get my fasting levels below 95, they are consistently below 100, and I don't have a problem with any other number. I actually am eating less carbs than they 'suggested' and my numbers have been lower as a result. I think that they were telling me to eat too many (65 for lunch and dinner with two 35 carb snacks) and as a result I was eating things I didn't want to eat to just get enough carbohydrates. Also, since I have to couple the carbs/protein together...it was just too much food.

We are so ready for you to arrive.  The nursery is done. I have been awful at studying my meditations and such, but your bag is sort of packed. Actually...I bought you this adorable newborn outfit, so could you please fit into newborn clothing for at least one day of your life?  Thanks!!


How far along: 36 weeks

Size of baby: A honeydew...although who knows how big you really are

Gender: girl

Movement: Yep...still moving lots. We had lots of fun last night poking you and then watching you move in annoyance.  It's fun to annoy you!

How I'm Changing: This belly...it's freaking ridiculous.  If I said I felt pregnant and waddly before, I LIED.  I have noticed that less sugar means my feet hurt soooo muchhh less!!

Maternity Clothes: Ha...I tried to wear a non-maternity t-shirt yesterday (I really should have just grabbed one of dad's) and it was ridiculous.  I had to wear the bella band (I hate) with it just so it wasn't indecent.

How I'm Feeling: I go through days where I'm utterly exhausted and then some where I have some energy. Today I was tired but went to the mall with my friend and walked quite a bit.  I am finding that I need more naps in the afternoon and tend to feel better afterwards.

Sleep: So, the earplugs lasted maybe 5 days. I just kicked him to the guest room. I miss sleeping with him, but I was getting up every 2 hours and wasn't able to fall back asleep. I think I've felt better the last few days because I can fall back asleep so much faster if I sleep alone.

What I miss: I'd say sugar and not counting carbs, but I'm enjoying learning new things about food.  Perhaps I miss not walking into things with my belly.  It happens all...the...damn...time.

What I'm Eating: a lot of protein.  I start my day with a peice of toast with pb, and finish my day with a 50g protein shake.  Lots of protein.

Cravings: I have to say...I would love a cupcake, but the overwhelming need for sugar, and my permissiveness in allowing myself to have it is gone.

Best Moment this week: This week has been full of fun! On Monday my grandmother came to visit with her sister in law and brought you beautiful blankets (one is from Aunt Ricki, and another grandma made).  We had a lovely time.  Then we had a nice laid back Christmas, followed by having friends over all weekend.  I'm sorta tired...but it was lovely to see people!


Love you babe...so many people can't wait to meet you!!!

Mom

baby belly with a kitty. It's not the picture, my belly is pretty
permanently to the right thanks to your placement. 

Three generations! 

35 week journal/update

My love,

I was really good about keeping this up without missing a week, but last week and this week were both hectic, and at times discouraging.  The general gist of it was that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes after (barely) failing 2/4 of the blood tests in the 3 hour panel.  I now get the honor of weekly sonograms (which are REALLY boring this far along as all you see are ribs), a strict diet, checking my blood sugar 4 times a day, and potentially having to battle with the birthing center for the privilage of being able to birth there instead of being sent to the hospital. And to top it off, this diet isn't helping me lose weight...I'm still gaining faster than they are going to like. To put it mildly, my happy pregnant glowy bubble was a bit burst.  I was already sick of people harassing me constantly and my reward for that was to suddenly have ten times more attention than I ever wanted.

  Yes, I know this isn't some death sentence. Yes I know that I'd do just about anything for a healthy kid.  Yes, I know that gestational diabetes isn't a rarity, and in fact that dietitian told me how surprised she was that I hadn't developed it before now because of my history of PCOS.  Yes, I'm aware that most of this could be seen as straight up whiny. I do however think that I've reached the 'stabby' stage of pregnancy and if I want to complain I can.

Alright kiddo...and world. That's my update for now. It's Christmas next week but I have appointments most days. I'm super excited to see my grandmother on Monday though!!  It will be your first time meeting her!


How far along: 35 weeks

Size of baby: A coconut! Although our sonogram showed that she's around 6'9 already.  Who really knows how accurate they are though.

Gender: girl

Movement: Oh yes...you move. Anddd it's starting to get a lot less pleasant as you run out of room. You're still a roller and stretcher, not a kicker.  

How I'm Changing: I had some seriously emotional crying days.  Especially Monday...I basically spent all day Monday crying...and then felt awesome on Tuesday.  It was odd.

Maternity Clothes: Yeah...my belly is a bit ridiculous.

How I'm Feeling: I was feeling fine for the most part, but I've been getting sinus headaches because the weather goes from 30-70 degrees in 24 hours.  It's a bit hard on my sinuses.  

Sleep: I started sleeping with earplugs to block out dad's snores and magically started sleeping in 4 hour blocks. It's MAGIC.

What I miss: Hm...being left the heck alone?  My ribs not feeling like they've been kicked?

What I'm Eating: exactly what I'm told to eat when I am told to eat!  Actually I'm enjoying pulling dad into this diet and trying to get him to eat more regularly.

Cravings: Meh...I could always use a spoon and apple pie, but that's not happening for a long time.

Best Moment this week: My little frog wrap arrived, and I've been working on breaking it in most of the evening. I also got to go out on a date with my best friend's little sister. Having a teen around is so much fun.


Love,

Mom

The belly is getting ridiculous.  I know she's head down and her rump is the big bump. 

33 week journal

I'm late, as usual, and don't have a picture this week. See, that would require actually getting dressed and I'm not feeling it today.

How far along: 33 weeks

Size of baby:  One website is saying pineapple (which was last week) and the one I usually use is saying durian fruit.  Um...really people? Do I want to compare my child to a fruit that's outlaws on subways because it smells so foul? sigh.

Gender: girl

Movement: I can sometimes make you move under my hand, if your facing the right direction. It's so cool to feel your arms or legs under my hand.  You *were* head down, but I'm not sure what position you're in now.  You've been moving in ways that cause more pain (perhaps contractions?) lately, especially if I lean forward.  You also apparently like to get nice and active while I'm driving.
Also...you get the hiccups like 3 times a day, which is pretty hilarious.

How I'm Changing: I'm trying to nest, or at least get the nursery and your clothing prepared.  Notice the use of the word 'trying' because it's not really happening.

Maternity Clothes: When I actually leave the house, I'm a fan.  I may be over the leaving the house thing though...

How I'm Feeling: I'm napping more, and occasionally just lose it and need to cry on Aaron's shoulder when the anxiety gets too much.  It's not like I can turn it off, or that it's there constantly, but some days are much worse than others.

Sleep: Sorry dad, I hope you like the guest bed, because your snoring is interrupting my already fractured sleep schedule.

What I miss: Probably the luxury of time.

What I'm Eating: After my baby shower on Sunday, lots of cake...

Cravings:  I'm not sure I'm really craving anything.

Best Moment this week: Sunday was my baby shower. It was almost stormed out with snow and sleet but some brave souls managed to make it, and we colored onsies, opened gifts, ate lots of cake and had fun.  I'm hoping to get some pictures of the onsies up soon.  It turns out that my friends are really creative and came up with some wonderful, and adorable ideas.


Love you Ada, and we can't wait to meet you. I'd just kindly ask that you don't make your appearance until after the holidays. Believe me, you'll thank me for this one.

Love,

Mom


<where picture would be if I'd taken one this week>

The best gift, the gift of literacy

Growing up, some of my fondest memories were of my dad reading to me.  I was too young to understand them, but he still read (and answered my questions) about books like Watership Down, Gulliver's Travels, and anything by Roald Dahl. When I got old enough, I'd read to him when he worked on his car. I still remember sitting by a tree one summer reading him Journey to the Center of the Earth while he changed his brake pads. This is a vast change from a kid that had to go through an extra year of school between kindergarten and first grade because she couldn't read (in my defense, I should not have started school at age 4).  

Now, I love books, as does Aaron.  The fact that we turned our front living room into a library should give you some semblance of that.  Some people are really hardcore about making sure that their growing fetus listens to music every day. Well, I prefer listening to audiobooks, so this child is going to be born with an appreciation for audiobooks already ingrained in her.

This made it all the much sweeter and more wonderful when, a couple of months a package showed up.  It was from my college freshman year roommate, Margaret, who recently moved to Georgia, and inside was a beautiful book (The Legend of Blue Bonnet which I hadn't read before, but loved).  A few days later, another package with another book (Guess How Much I Love You) showed up! Apparently the first two books were supposed to arrive on the same day, but our postal service it seriously sketchy (it once took a MONTH for a postcard to arrive from Oregon). Since then, almost every week a new book has arrived. When I was having a bad week, she sent You be You, and it cheered me immensely.

The collection below are almost all of the books from Margaret, plus a couple of Sandra Boynton (a personal favorite author I discovered while a nanny) books that my mom gave me, plus a few from other friends.  So far Ada is off to a great start.  I'd like to also point out that none of these books are terribly obnoxious to read many times over. I actually already have half of them memorized from when I was a nanny.

Margaret, I can't thank you enough for the thoughtful, and thought provoking gifts.  I love that I already have a collection of books for Ada that should last her through the chewing on books stage into an actual appreciation for literature.  Like both of us, I hope she can look back fondly upon some of these titles and remember them being read to her over...and over...and over (ad nauseam) as a small child.

Why yes, I did take this picture on a bed, and that *is* my knee.  Thanks for asking.  

What were your favorite books as a kid? What should we add to our collection?

32 week journal

Ada,
Sorry I'm late!  As usual, I have loads of ideas of what I want to write, but then forget to actually sit down and write them.  We've had a busy week.  We started out last weekend by going to IKEA and buying a kitchen table, some chairs and all of the things we need to put up your curtains. We've (okay...mostly dad) continued to put together your nursery.  Love your dresser, child. Love it, because we both HATE it.  It's taken hours to put together because there are hundreds of pieces to a dresser that just isn't that big.  Then after our IKEA trip, we hosted a fakesgiving for our friends, where we made turkey and all the fixings, but on Sunday instead of Thursday.  For Thanksgiving we were invited to a friend's house, where we had a wonderful time. The same people invited us over for their annual latkes party that Saturday...so we were busy!
How far along: 32 weeks aka 8 months

Size of baby:  Squash
Average size: 15.2- 16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. By squash they must mean that squished feeling I now feel in my lungs.

Gender: girl

Weight gain: Uh...I need to get back to counting calories because Thanksgiving and an abundance of pie did a number on the scale...and my butt.

Movement: You're in there...moving, stretching and occasionally learning how to run using my right hip to practice on.  We did physical therapy and BOOM! someone turned around, immediately. *yey* for being in the right position!!

How I'm Changing: My belly is getting bigger/rounder. My ribs are spreading.  While I'm happy it took 30 weeks for this to happen, it may be my least favorite part of this entire process. Well that and the can't take deep breaths part.

Maternity Clothes: Um...yes!  My non maternity shirts are just too short, and look somewhat ridiculous with tanks under them at this point.  I'm loving my sweats when I'm home but I change into maternity jeans when I go out so I look somewhat respectable.

How I'm Feeling: I can't sleep particularly deeply anymore and am up at least 4 times per night, but I could sleep till noon. I'm becoming a night owl, even more than before it seems but I'm a bit of a lump before noon.  I'm starting to feel the physical restrictions of being 8 months pregnant, like the breathing, I realized I can't cross my legs anymore, my knees ache a bit, yoga is hard etc.  Luckily my lower back generally has held out surprisingly well.

Sleep: I get up 2 times to pee. Sometimes I don't need to actually pee, but when I'm laying down I can't tell, so I have to stand up to find out and at that point, what the heck.  This different feeling bladder has thrown me for a loop. I feel like I go to the bathroom out of boredom.

What I miss: Being 50 lbs lighter and much more active. Putting on a bra shouldn't count as aerobic activity.

What I'm Eating: Food...

Cravings: I wanted brie cheese, but I don't know if that was a craving so much as a 'hmmm that sounds delightful!'

Best Moment this week:I wrote about all of the awesome stuff this week up top. I think however that reading to your dad while he puts together your nursery is pretty awesome.  I'm looking forward to your shower next weekend, and lots of friends.  Also.... I FINISHED YOUR BLANKET....but your dad thinks I should make it bigger. I think he should shaddup and learn to crochet himself if he wants it bigger because as simple as this pattern looks, it is ridiculously time consuming.  Sorry kid...you're going to be stuck with a small blanket (not like you don't have another 20 of them).

Oh I'm getting so impatient to meet you!!

Mom

Seriously dad...you cut off half of the blanket in this picture...

If you haven't noticed, I love this shirt. It was like
$5 from Old Navy and is so warm and comfy.