Letters to a daughter from her parents, starting from before she was born

Sunday, January 12, 2014

38 week journal aka "waaatt? no baby yet?!"

Dear Ada,

I was going to be a cynical disclaimer at this top of this post because it isn't all roses and sunshine like most of my posts are.  However, we really are super excited about your imminent arrival (imagine me saying that with a smile and gritted teeth) and I can't wait to squish your little pudgy cheeks! You are such a little butterball (because Dad said it wasn't nice to call you Fat Baby). Maybe I'll just call you baby Buddha and try to take pictures of you in the lotus position? Mwhahaha I'd do it too.  Dad claims if I call you butterball that he's going to put you in a roasting pan and take pictures. He did it with the cat, so it shouldn't be any problem right? Your grandfather mentioned drawing a goatee on you as well. Um...good luck coming into this family. I promise not to share all of the pictures.

So kid, it's sorta time to get this show on the road.  If you were a small baby...I might be okay waiting a few more weeks, because frankly you're pretty easy to take care of in there.  However the really painful ripping stretch marks I've started to get around my belly button, the bad abdominal pain I suffer every night and some days, and the thought of pushing out a big baby are making me a not nice person to be around. Just ask your father. I think I blamed him for everything including the polar ice caps melting earlier today to detract from the fact that I'm just really anxious about your upcoming arrival.  Also, as much as Newton actually enjoys your ring sling, it was purchased for you...not him.

Dad is trying to figure out his vacation time after you arrive. Even though he dutifully saved up all of his vacation so he could take a month off when you arrived, they decided to wait until the eleventh hour (you know that time after you worked through the holidays and didn't get to spend time with your extremely pregnant wife) to tell him he was only allowed (at most) 2 weeks. What kind of world do we live in that doesn't value the role of a father being able to take time off to bond with his child, and would go so far as to question why taking this time off was even important to him? What kind of society do we live in where fathers that are offered paternity leave (which your dad isn't) still won't take it because it makes them look 'bad' in the work place to take extended leaves of absence to spend time with their families? Where and what are our priorities? I am so truly blessed that I will be able to stay home with you, and our financial state isn't such that I'd have to return to work soon after giving birth, but I'm well aware that I'm the exception not the rule.  I'm angry about this, but currently also completely powerless.

How far along: 38 weeks (and I'm writing this 3 hours before 39 weeks and you're STILL IN THERE.

Size of baby: Too big to push out without drugs. No seriously, child...let's get this show on the road.  The ultrasound place said around 9lbs, but that a. you're long (long femur!), and b. that it's just an estimate. It can go like 10% either way so that would make you average size to omg huge.  They doubt you're that huge though because your fluid levels are good, and you move quite a bit.

You're really low, which translates to it frequently hurting to do things like...walk, and although I don't really have the sensation of having to urinate like I did before I got pregnant, I can just sorta guess that I always can. Actually...sometimes I might respond to an email while sitting on the toilet, knowing that I'll get a second pee out of it. Yeah, I'm classy like that. Know that if you send me an email, I'll probably be peeing while responding.  

Gender: girl, or a boy that will really have to embrace the color purple.

Movement: Less lately, or rather you move, but it's not as big of movements. Maybe your chubby self has finally run out of room? You've never been much of a kicker but more of a slosher. You're moving around (mostly mid morning, and if I lay on my side), and still getting the hiccups around once a day.  I can push on your rump and frequently annoy you into moving as well.  It was more fun before it started to be painful.

How I'm Changing: Since last week? Who knows. I am a generally impatient somewhat short tempered person, and the longer this uncertainty of delivery and baby are hanging over my head, the more anxious I'm becoming.  Oh...and I'm becoming increasingly intolerant to people's 'helpful' but really just patronizing attempts at advice.  Sooo...I'm anxious and bitchy. That sums it up pretty succinctly.

Maternity Clothes: Yes, please.  I came to the conclusion the other day (and why the heck did it take me this long??) that I can get away with wearing dad's sweats and t-shirts, and my belly is covered and I'm comfortable. I HATE maternity pants. They make my skin itch so much and I only have 1 pair of maternity jeans that even fit right now.  I'm loving that this 'b-belly' has more or less allowed me to wear my own clothing through most of this pregnancy...well any of my own clothing that accounted and allowed for the exponential growth of my butt.  I told Dad to pack some of his sweats/shorts and t-shirts for the birthing center because, "one of us will wear them!"

How I'm Feeling: I think we covered that in the anxious and bitchy section.  I've been pretty tired, and no matter what does or doesn't get done, still feeling overwhelmed.  I'm someone that likes to plan everything in advance and I'm well aware that doesn't work well with babies. I've been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions that come and go, and lower abdomenal pain that comes and goes. I'm not sure if the pain I've been having is related to my round ligament or actually getting this kid out.  I'm hoping it's the latter, because I'd hate to think that I'd experience that sort of gut wrenching pain for nothing. My right shoulder has been killing me. I'm not sure what's wrong, but at this point it's radiating pain down to my elbow. Fun times all around.

Sleep: So I went from 4 hrs in a row, to 2, and last night to 60-90 minutes. It's weird though. Dad will get out of bed and it never wakes me up. He gets up to use the bathroom and night and flushes, and I don't wake up. But if he walks into the room in the morning I *always* wake up, and I wake up without fail at intervals throughout the night. I'm not even sure half the time if I have to pee, so just make myself get up because God forbid I don't...the excruciating round ligament pain isn't worth the extra sleep.

What I miss:  Hrm...certainty in my life, physical activity, not having strangers judge and touch me constantly, sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar and umm..sugar? Oh yeah, and tying my own shoes.

What I'm Eating: Too much food that we aren't preparing at home? Not enough vegetables.  Probably too many carbs too. I was great for a couple of weeks, but then my blood sugar started to go low...so I started to eat more carbs.  My numbers have been higher than I'd like. One of the problems of the baby dropping is that I've started getting more hungry again.  I'm scared to step on a scale. I just want you born so I don't have to weigh myself anymore!!

Cravings:  I had a weird craving for cheese fries.  Also...sugar free jell-o, although I call it 'chewy air' is shockingly delicious.  I could also eat about a gallon of apple sauce a day. I'm not sure what my thing with apples is, but I could eat them all day long.

Best Moment This Week: Dad took Thursday off. We went and bought a ring sling for you (and got him to fall in love with the baby store), then went to lunch. Later in the evening went to the mall to walk around, and return some clothing. We also ended up having a delicious dinner which may have negated the health benefits of the mile plus walk we took. It was fun either way. We also went to the grocery store last night, mostly just to walk up and down the aisles. You took a nap. Thanks kid.  

So I was going to have dad take a nice picture of me, but why kill the selfie tradition?
Taken earlier in the week to prove to my mom that I own a different shirt than the red one

He loves it. I love the ring sling. The linen is going to be a biotch to break in though. 

Taken 38w 6 days (aka this afternoon)

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