Letters to a daughter from her parents, starting from before she was born

Friday, July 19, 2013

Why I didn't tell you

Dear baby,

I've been in their place--finding out that a friend is pregnant and feeling like I was the last person to know.  I understand the annoyance, and feeling left out. I do care about other people's feelings, and obviously didn't want to hurt them, but I had a lot of reasons for not telling more people about your impending arrival earlier.

I would claim that this list isn't exhaustive, but consult number 8 if you're still confused.

1. Fear of miscarriage. It took us FOREVER to get pregnant with you. The last thing that I wanted was to lose you and then have to grieve that, and tell people about it.
2. I wanted to tell my family, in person, before most people here, and that didn't happen until July.
3. I told people that I saw in person because I looked like death warmed over.
4. I don't lie to people, so if they asked if I was pregnant, I told them.
5. I told people I needed advice from at the time. Like...is this pain normal? Can I do this? etc. 6. Call me vain, but I really wanted to put out my baby announcement and tell people. Come on, what's the point of paying for an AWESOME baby announcement, and then telling everyone ahead of time? On that vein.
7. We were waiting for our 12 week ultrasound.
8. Because dammit, you're my baby and ultimately the decision is ours. If friends can't be supportive of that, then maybe they don't need to be in our lives.
9. BECAUSE THE FIRST TRIMESTER SUCKED and frankly I was missing all enthusiasm to tell anyone at that point. I felt like I had the flu for 3 months, and it took all my energy to wake the hell up, let alone making phone calls and send emails.     

 So if you're reading this and your feelings were hurt, I'm sorry, but I really hope that you help and support us through one of the most difficult and crazy times of our lives. Yeah, it's exciting, but it's also terrifying.


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